(Glory St Clair 11) Real Vampires Say Read My Hips Read online

  Real Vampires

  Say Read My Hips

  by

  Gerry Bartlett

  Copyright © 2014 Dragon Lady Publishing

  For all my loyal readers through eleven books. I hope you enjoy Glory's happily ever after.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 1

  Lacy attacked me when I walked into the shop. “Let me see that ring again. Oh my God, it’s huge!” She held my hand, her grin wide. “Are you ready for the wedding yet?”

  “New Year’s Day is way too soon. Of course not.” I felt like I was on a runaway train when Lacy squealed and started ranting about details that I hadn’t even considered.

  “I know. But Jerry’s determined to get the knot tied before I change my mind.” I sank down on the stool we kept for customers near the cash register. “Wow. Do you realize we’ve never even lived together for any length of time?” I leaned closer. “And we met hundreds of years ago.” I’d resisted that eternal commitment for over four hundred years.

  So what had changed? Me. I was finally ready to admit that he was the one. Oh, let me say that again. THE ONE. After centuries of struggling against his domineering warrior nature and worrying that he’d never let me be independent, I’d finally realized we’d worked out a relationship I could live with. Actually, he’d changed too. Miracles do happen.

  “Are you insane?” My mother suddenly appeared in the middle of the dress section. Yes, just materialized.

  “Mother!” I glanced around, afraid some unsuspecting customer had fainted from shock.

  “Give me some credit, Gloriana. None of your mortal customers saw me. Though I am sorely tempted to nip into the dressing room and tell the woman in there that she’ll never get her butt into that size ten.” My mother is a goddess from Olympus. She has a giant ego and considers mere mortals insignificant. I knew there was little chance she’d bother.

  “You will not.” I grabbed her arm and dragged her toward the back of the store. “Spandex can do wonders. If she wants to fit into a ten, I’m sure she’ll manage it.” I waved at Lacy to check. Zippers in the vintage clothes we sell in my shop weren’t so forgiving.

  “Oh, good. We’re going to your back room. We need to have a mother-daughter talk.” She was now the one doing the dragging, her fingers clamped on my arm. I gave Lacy a “save me” look but my were-cat manager had already found a size twelve and was halfway to the dressing room. Lacy has a bossy mother too. She did give me a sympathetic finger wave.

  When the door finally closed behind me, I jerked my arm free. “I hope you’re not here to disturb my wedding, Mother. You have to know I love Jerry. Why wouldn’t I eventually marry him?”

  “Because you have good sense, of course. He’s a vampire, Gloriana.” My mother shuddered. She sat in my only chair and crossed her legs. This season’s Prada pumps in black lizard. Gorgeous. She always had on the most exquisite clothes. She materialized them with goddess magic which I envied.

  “Don’t say vampire like it’s a bad word. You know what I am, Mother. That makes Jerry and me perfect for each other.” I sat on my work table. “It took me a long time to realize it, but I’m ready to commit.”

  “Commit to an asylum perhaps. We have those on Olympus, darling. They’re hell-holes. You should hear the screams. When a god or goddess goes off the deep end, the poor dears throw lightning bolts at anyone and everyone. It’s quite annoying.” My mother glanced at my concrete floor then kept her Gucci bag in her lap. “Obviously they must be locked away until they come to their senses. The screams are from the handmaidens who must care for them. The gods are stuck in tiny little cells, something like the coffins I’ve heard your council uses for punishment.” Another delicate shudder.

  “You sound like you’ve been there yourself, Mother. I hope this isn’t a hint that mental illness runs in the family.” I saw that I’d struck a nerve. Mean, maybe, but I was tired of her attitude. She hated what I was so naturally that meant Jerry was worthless too. “Luckily I’ve never actually seen the coffins. They’re for vampires who break council law. I try to follow the rules here.”

  “I never said I had to be locked up. But I’ve visited friends there. I know you’re angry with me, Gloriana, but please try to understand. It takes a lot to make a god go insane but I’ve seen it happen. Because Zeus drove the person to madness.” She glared at me with eyes the same blue as mine. Hers shot sparks which was pretty and scary at the same time. “He can do that when he’s angry. I’m afraid that when he discovers I’ve lied to him because I kept you a secret all these years, he’ll let me have it.” She lowered her head and sniffed. “I’m not sure I can handle his worst when he throws it at me.”

  “Then your best move is to disavow me, Mother. Write me off. Head back to Olympus as if I never existed.” I hopped down to kneel in front of her when tears filled her eyes. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s been wonderful finding out I have a family after all this time and I’d hate to lose you. I’ve been so… alone in the world. Except for Jerry.” I took a breath.

  “Darling. We are family. You and me, even Zeus.” My mother dabbed at her eyes with a hanky she pulled from her purse. “What you feel for that vampire is gratitude. Even I am grateful to him. For saving you and keeping you alive for me.”

  “He certainly didn’t do it for you, Mother.” I stood and looked down at her. “He loves me. For over four hundred years, he’s taken care of me and has always been there for me. Now I’m finally strong enough to commit to him. Before . . .” I looked away from her. “Well, I was insecure. Afraid to use my powers. Not sure I even knew what they were.”

  “And now?” Her hand was on my shoulder.

  “Now I know who I am and what I’m capable of.” I turned to face her again and took her hand. “Thank you for that. So I’m confident that I can hold my own with Jerry, as an equal.”

  “Well, at least you’re giving me credit for something.” She took a breath. “I blame Achelous for all of this vampire madness.” She frowned. “He will pay for tossing you away and forgetting you.”

  “Well, I hope so. But remember who left me with him in the first place. You lost the right to tell me what to do when you abandoned me in his orphanage, Mother. So accept my decision gracefully, please. I’m marrying Jerry and that’s that.” I put as much distance between us as the small room allowed and waited to see what she’d do. Toss a lightning bolt? It was one of her favorite tricks. It wasn’t smart to stay too close to any of the gods or goddess from Olympus when they were pissed.

  “Well.” She stared at me, obviously thinking about her next move. “Am I invited to this event? Will there be bridal showers? A rehearsal dinner?” She pulled out a cell phone.

  I could only gawk. I had no idea she even owned one. “Of course. Jerry and I have many friends. In fact, Flo is hosting a bridesmaids’ dinner for me tomorrow night.”

  She punched something into her phone. “Surely you were going to have your mother there. What would your friends think if I didn’t come? And I will bring an appropriate gift. Where is it? Is there a theme?”

  “I, uh, you kn
ow Flo, or maybe you don’t. Anyway, she’s having it at her house. It’s lovely. I’ll text you directions if you’ll give me your number.” I heard my own phone, which I kept in my pants pocket, chime.

  “There, you have it.” She smiled as if we were just the most ordinary bride and her adoring mother. “The theme, Gloriana. And are you registered anywhere?”

  I swallowed, not sure this wasn’t a ploy of some kind. “Seriously? You’re going to come to Flo’s party and act like a happy mother of the bride? You won’t cause a scene? Throw lightning bolts? Burn her beautiful house down?”

  “Well, clearly you don’t trust me.” Her hand trembled where it held her phone. “I am trying to understand you, Gloriana. You say you love and are grateful to this vampire. You wish to marry him. I want to have a relationship with you so I must not stand in the way of your happiness. Correct?” She moistened her lips with her tongue, as if she were nervous.

  “Yes. Thank you, Mother.” I hugged her then stepped back again, still not sure this wasn’t all for show. “Flo is doing an Arabian nights theme. She wants us to come dressed in harem clothes. She does love costumes. And my shop has plenty of that kind of garb. Leave it to Flo to think of something that will stimulate my business.”

  “Why, it sounds like fun. I knew Scheherazade. Such a clever girl. And she loved beautiful clothes. I may have something I can conjure that will be perfect.” She clapped her hands, suddenly all smiles.

  “Flo promises some surprises. I’ll text you where I’m registered. Don’t know why, but Flo insisted Jerry and I sign up for all the typical newlywed things.”

  “You are setting up housekeeping, aren’t you? It is only proper.” She tapped her foot. “I have much to do. A mother of the bride dress. I never thought I’d need such a thing. What are your colors?”

  “I’m wearing red, Flo is wearing whatever she wants. We haven’t--”

  “Oh, dear. You clearly needed a wedding planner. But I suppose it’s too late for that.” She looked me over. “Yes, red’s a good color for you. And lucky, I think. I will ask my astrologer about the date too. You did say New Year’s Day. Hmm.” Her brow wrinkled. “The party is tomorrow? That doesn’t leave me much time. Text me when it starts. I wouldn’t want to be late.” She brushed my cheek with a light kiss. “I’d better go.”

  “About Zeus.” Probably stupid to bring it up, but I knew she hadn’t forgotten about taking me to Olympus. “Seriously. He doesn’t need to know I even exist.”

  “Nonsense. My father will see you and love you on sight. I know it. You are the very image of my mother. That will soften him to me and make him forget my little fabrications.” She managed a tremulous smile. “You mustn’t worry about that.”

  “I think hiding an affair with a mortal and the resulting child for more than a thousand years is more than a little fabrication.” I really, really didn’t want to go to Olympus. “And what about the fact that I’m a vampire? How is Zeus going to take that?”

  My mother actually bit her fingernail, a sign she was highly disturbed. When she realized she’d chipped her red polish, she frowned and blinked to fix it.

  “Oh, he can never know that.” She sighed and pasted on a smile. “Trust me to spin this situation to our advantage when the time comes. Now I’m off to check my closet. Mother of the bride. If only you could lose the fangs before the wedding.” She dropped her cell into her bag and then disappeared.

  Lose the fangs? I was still trying to process my mother’s surprising change in attitude and final remark when the door into the storeroom was flung open. My best friend ran inside to wrap me in a hug. “Glory! Lacy called me and said your mother is here. Is she causing trouble? As Matron of Honor I am ready to protect you. Do I have to send her skinny butt straight back to where she came from?” Florence da Vinci held me against her soft bosom.

  The idea of my little friend taking on my mother was so ridiculous that I laughed. But once I started, I couldn’t stop. Oh, God. My mother’s sudden determination to get involved in my wedding plans scared the hell out of me.

  “Amica! What did she say? What did she do?” Flo handed me a tissue to wipe my eyes.

  “You won’t believe it. She’s all over the wedding now. She’s coming to your party and is looking for a Mother of the Bride dress as we speak.” I dabbed at my wet cheeks. “But thanks for the hug, Flo, I needed it.”

  “Did she do her usual vampire bashing?” Flo sat in the same chair my mother had just vacated. My friend also had on expensive shoes and a designer dress. It reminded me of my new goal—to make a big success of my business so I could afford to buy my own high end clothes. Flo might be content to take things from her rich husband, but I was fighting against the urge to let Jerry turn me into his trophy wife.

  “She started in on it, but I shut her down. I’m not going to listen to her disrespect Jerry. I think she got the message.” My phone chimed and I pulled it out of my pocket. “She just texted me. Where am I registered? It’s been less than five minutes and she’s bugging me already.” I began to punch in the answers. “Let me send it now so she’ll leave me alone.”

  “Mio Dio. Hebe at the party.” Flo fanned her face with her hand. “I must order in more blood with alcohol. We’ll both need it, eh?”

  I hit send then grinned at Flo. “Definitely.” I walked over to a rack and pulled out my costume for tomorrow night. “What do you think? Is this too much?” The crop top dipped low in front and was covered in gold sequins. I had matching sheer harem pants.

  “It’s perfect!” Flo jumped up to examine the fabric. “When Jeremiah sees you in this, he will carry you off to the bedroom so fast, you won’t have time to open even one present. Better hide it from him until after the party.”

  I grinned and held it against me. “It is pretty bold. I’ve got some gold lame bikini panties to wear under it but that’s all. He will love it.”

  “I hope you are selling plenty of costumes here in your shop for this party. Are you?” Flo sat again.

  “Yes, thanks to you and your clever theme, Flo. I know some people will expect me to just marry Jerry and give up this place, but I want to make it even bigger and better.”

  Flo shook her head, clearly mystified. “You’ve always had this thing about independence. Sciocchezza, if you ask me.” Flo opened her purse, a vintage piece that made me want to snatch it up and stick a price tag on it. “You marry a rich man, amica, so you should enjoy letting him take care of you.”

  “Did you just call me crazy?” I knew we didn’t have the same philosophy when it came to men but I hoped we weren’t going to fight about it.

  “No, no. Just a little foolish.” She smiled.

  “Jerry understands that I like to make my own money. He’s even helping me with a business plan.”

  “Well. I am surprised.” Flo glanced at my new tablet and the pile of bills next to it. “He has always seemed a very, how you say, traditional man. He likes to travel, check on his other investments. Don’t you think he will want you with him on those trips once you’re married?”

  “We’ll work it out.” Though my stomach had gone into free fall. Trust Flo to zero in on my main worry. Traditional? That was a polite way to say Jerry was a throwback to his sixteenth century Highland roots.

  Flo frowned. “I have said too much. Now you are worrying. I shut up and go. Come early tomorrow night. Help me with your mother. I don’t trust her. Do you?”

  “Not at all. She gave up too easily on her plan to take me off to Olympus. Of course she’s still plotting.” I hugged Flo tight. “Together you and I will handle whatever trouble she starts.”

  “Of course!” She patted my back. “I’m just glad you finally said yes to Jeremiah. He’s been very patient with you.”

  “Yes, he has. I’m lucky he didn’t find another woman.” I remembered a real bitch from his past we’d managed to run out of town not long ago. “Or at least the right other woman.”

  “He’s yours now. And I sense he’s co
ming. I go out the back.” Flo winked. “Take care of him. Do not be too stubborn about some things.” She looked around the back room again and gestured at that stack of bills. “Are you really so crazy about this little shop? Jeremiah is a wealthy man. Enjoy what he can give you. We could go shopping together, in Paris, Roma. I have wished for this a long time. Don’t be stubborn, Glory. Let him take care of you.”

  I refused to fight with my best friend. She just didn’t understand how different we were. She rushed out the back door just as the one from the shop opened again and Jerry walked in, his smile taking my breath away. I had never seen him happier. I ran up to him and threw my arms around him.

  “That’s a fine welcome.” He leaned down and took my mouth with his. There it was, the perfect kiss that reassured me we were meant to be. I savored his taste, the way we fit. I sighed when he pulled back. We were both smiling and I saw that he was flushed. Of course I hadn’t done that. He’d obviously found a blood donor in an alley along busy Sixth Street on his way to meet me.

  “I’m glad to see you. Flo just left. We were talking about the bridal party. I have a sexy costume to wear. What do you think about the Arabian Nights?” I twined my fingers through his curls. He had let his hair grow almost to his shoulders and it was a look I loved.

  “If you’re going to be my harem of one, I’m eager to try an Arabian night.” He glanced at the rack where my costume was hanging. “Is yours the green number that I can see through? Try it on now and give me a preview.” He slid a hand down to my hip to pull me closer.

  “Mmm. Tempting, but no.” I leaned against him. Flo had raised questions I wanted answered. “Can we talk?”

  “If we must.” He let me go and sat on the table, patting the space beside him. “What’s on your mind? Lacy said your mother was here earlier. Did she upset you?”

  “She tried. When that didn’t work, she decided to get on the wedding bandwagon. I’m still not sure I believe her act, but she says she’s coming to the wedding and all the other festivities.” I sat and leaned against him. He was so solid and so reliably mine. I slid my arm around his waist. “But forget her. Flo made me think about our future.”